So, I'm here.
Moving Mountains by Usher is playing in the background. I never liked the song but now I can relate to it.

There's a few songs I want you to hear. So I can tell you how I feel. Up to you to listen to it or not.



It's a cycle now. Throbbing in hurt and then numb and then throbbing again.

There's a problem with me you've been unhappy about. Why did you say it was a good thing about me?
Why when we were leaving, why did you cry?

I'm scared of getting hurt again.
I'm scared of hurting someone I love.
I'm scared to regret.
I'm scared to fall down again.
But its like. I have to pick myself up. That has always been the only road of success.


Yeah, I fell. Into this small dark well.
I fell deep. I fell hard. Tumbled on the way down. Bruised and wounded.
I expected to hit the ground hard. Break my bones and die.
But no, I had a soft landing, like into jelly, that cushioned my landing.
But with the weight of my thoughts and the heavy burden in my heart, I'm sinking in this jelly.
Black, bitter and foul jelly with needles inside.
Whaaat an example; jelly... *dry laugh*
But it still saved me.

I know what I have to do.
I have to suck it up, eat this horrible jelly and swallow it.
And when I'm done, climb the walls of this well with my bare hands, wound myself again on the way, be it lose my fingernails trying to get out...

Or wait for it to rain.
In the sense that I'm not falling anymore but there's still sorrow, but its the sorrow that helped my up.
Helped fill up this well to the brim so I can pull myself out.



Right now, I've eaten part of it, but still sinking a bit.
Because I still can't believe, can't accept, can't understand.